Everyone Feels Pathetic Sometime

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I'm not sure it's my absolute favorite, it and Spring often tussle in my mind for supremacy, but I suppose at this moment, it's the fave. Besides, it's a well known fact that spring can really hang you up the most.For the first time in a long time, I began constructing a seasonal "to-do" list. I'm not sure I've made one since I was teaching. But, as simple as it sounds, it's a seasonal list of things I want to do. I've found it's a great motivator to not spend my free days (none of which I actually had when I stopped teaching now that I think about it) sitting on the couch. It's generally made up of places I've never been, and the infamous, "I've been wanting to do that forever" and never get around to it situations.Also, because I'm a total foodie, it usually consists of visiting restaurants or shops around the city.

Support local business.

And as I began constructing my list, some fairly traditional activities came up; visit a pumpkin patch, go to a corn maze, go apple picking......and then I paused. I do wanna do all those things...but I don't want to do them alone.Now I know, I could easily ask a friend to do any of those activities with me, and actually the only time I've ever been apple picking was with a friend and her children, and she actually has invited me to go again this year.But, do I really wanna go apple picking with her, her boyfriend, and 2 ( exceptionally delightful) children, officially making me the 5th wheel, which isn't even a tricycle, but that's the wheel that sits on the back, or worse yet, under the car?I shall be no 5th wheel.No, I want someone to go with me that I can hold hands with. There's something about the fall air, the changing leaves, the chilly breeze, it whispers of romance and secrets, of longing glances and sweet nothings.Now, sure, I've squandered time, and of course that won't just materialize, I find myself feeling a little pathetic for the train of thought.It made me wonder if I'm happy with myself, and my life. And as I thought about it, I think I am. I have a job that works, I'm doing things that I love doing, including a new podcast that is being well-received, and I live in a neighborhood that I really enjoy, in an apartment that is nice.I think honestly, I just really want someone to share it with.I interviewed a guest for my podcast 2 days ago, and I was truly intrigued in talking with her about marriage. She's married to an absolutely delightful man, and as different as they seem to be, they make it work, and anytime I've spent time with them, it's been splendid, and you can see the love they share between them. I sometimes feel jealous, a natural reaction, when I see that.Pathetic.I think more than anything, I'm tired of dating. A colleague said to me yesterday, "I'm not too sure too many good one's are left out here." I gave her a high-five and told her I felt her pain. Much in line with our climate change problems, the seas, ponds, and lakes are drying up, and the small ecosystems have possibly resulted in some mutations.I actually had a first date a week ago. It was to the FCB Open House, which for the layest of laymen like me is the social event of the year. I literally ran into Jamila Woods in the dessert room of this 3 floor rager of a corporate party. Yet, I digress. The young lady in question is...beautiful, and sweet, and sarcastic, and charming, and powerful, and wickedly intelligent...and cute.From the moment of "I'd love to go on a date with her" until the awkward moment of me asking her "would you be interested in going on a date with me?" was about 6 weeks. About 3 weeks in I confided in a colleague about my dilemma and she said "Just be you, and do it!"And I did.And she said yes.And I've been here before. I'm trying hard to think not of the past, only the future, and the future says there will be a date #2, and that she's looking forward to it.And I am too.And perhaps this will lead down the path of a pumpkin patch, or a corn maze, or apple picking, because who doesn't like a good apple?And for now, I toss around the thoughts in my head of will I ever get married, or will I ever live with another person again, or has that all passed me by?I spoke to a colleague yesterday about this topic coincidentally, and she said, on the concept of "being single,"

I don't think that accurately describes what I am, because it doesn't take into consideration the intimacy of relationships and the richness of the people I have in my life.

I thought it was an interesting perspective...but it doesn't work for me. I'm single. Increasingly, woefully, single. And that's how I feel. I miss companionship. I desire companionship. And that feels a little pathetic......and we all feel a little pathetic sometimes.Are you single? How do you feel about it? Are you married? On my next podcast episode, I ask my guest what is the secret to a successful marriage. What are your secrets? Please share below.Also, as I mentioned above, I'm now a podcast host.  The show is Off The Beaten Podcast. You can find this week's show on Apple Podcast, on Stitcher,or on our website. Also, follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to see the sights of the city and what's going down.Also, if you're so inclined, Sign up to get Off The Beaten Podcast in your inbox.This post was constructed on an iPhone XR.